Because I’m the Mom

I have a memory from my early childhood of watching home movies at my grandparent’s house.  There was one movie of me getting a bath in the sink (I was probably about 6 months old).  I remember being completely horrified that my naked infant body was on film, for all to see.  My grandpa, seeing how upset I was, spliced that part of the film out of the reel, never to be seen again.  I was forever grateful for that, but also now know that there wasn’t anything for me to be so upset about.  I’ll guess that vast majority of people have some of those same pictures of themselves or their own children, just as I do of mine.

So, with my disclaimer in place, I give you, Rory.

We are kind of potty training.  I’m a firm believer in not forcing the potty training and waiting until they are completely ready so Rory is probably about 50% potty trained.  My little guy is what we call vertically challenged and can’t reach the toilet when he is standing.  Yes, he used to sit on the toilet, but once he realized that boys stand up to pee, he had to do it.  I normally have a little step stool in the bathroom that he can stand on, but it got moved so this was Rory’s solution.  He not only stands on the toilet, but he strikes poses – as seen in the photos above.  It’s hilarious and taking these pictures of him are actually benefiting me.  Each time he sees them, he runs off to go pee. 

So in few years when Rory hopefully learns humility, I can at least tell him that I censored the photos and that without the pictures, he may still be wearing diapers.

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This won’t go down in history…

The last 24 hours have not been the best.  Yesterday, the children were doing their absolute best to break me by seeing how much they could whine before I completely lost it.  I know they were just messing with me because any child that whines nonstop for over an hour certainly can’t be serious, right?  It started on our way home from Kamryn’s orientation.  We walked the 1/2 mile to school and thus had to walk the 1/2 mile back home.  It was a little warm yesterday, but if you could have heard Kamryn, you would have thought we were forcing her to trek through the Sahara with only her own urine to drink.

Once we were home and Kamryn had some “cold water with ice” (Kamryn’s favorite drink), she bounced back was excited about school the next day – even making her new teacher a picture.  She called her Mrs. Puff, which I found absolutely hilarious because 1) That is Spongebob’s teacher’s name and 2) I’m sure she is going to make that mistake in school.  Don’t worry, I corrected her and told her that her teacher is Mrs. Moffat, but I wish I could see the look on her teacher’s face when Kamryn calls her Mrs. Puff – it will happen.

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful, but I couldn’t sleep.  I wasn’t worried, anxious or scared about anything…I just couldn’t sleep.  I finally fell asleep at 12:30 after watching Life As We Know It.  I have decided that Katherine Heigl is atrocious.  I liked her in Knocked Up, but I find her bitchy and boring and no, I have never watched “Greys”, nor will I ever.

I lost my focus, which is understandable because my lovely little buddy, Rory, thought 4:45 is a perfect wake up time.  I fought with him until 6:00 before I finally gave up and let him stay up.  However, the commotion we were making woke up Kamryn.  Luckily, she was so excited to go to school, that she wasn’t crabby.  The one positive is that we had more than enough time to get to school without having to rush.

After a couple of criticisms from Kamryn about what I was wearing to drop her off (today is my run day so I had on my work out gear and hadn’t showered), we were in the car and off to school.  We had to park about 2 blocks away and walk, but that was expected so we were prepared.  However, once we were about to walk through the gates of school, I realized Kamryn didn’t grab her snack from the car.  And when I brought that to her attention, she realized that she also forgot the picture for her teacher.  This was also after I had been snapping some pictures and was getting a 14 year old attitude from my 4 year old about taking the pictures.  She also wouldn’t hold my hand.  These may be the last 1st day of school pictures for Kamryn ever!

Note the picture for her teacher in her hand on the way to the car.

Kamryn asked after this one: “Why are you taking my picture already?”
Kamryn was a bit put out by this picture, but it was necessary.

Not walking with me, not holding my hand, she actually didn’t even want me to walk her to her classroom.

Taking just a peak inside before heading in for the day.

We booked it back to the car after dropping Kamryn off in her classroom, ran her snack and picture into her and then headed home.  Rory, naturally fell asleep on the way home, but Ryan is staying home from work with a back issues (another obstacle in our house) so he took him home and I got my run in without interruption.  That always perks me up, but I pushed myself a little harder than usual and now that my runners high has dissipated, I am exhausted.  No time to rest, though – it’s time to go pick Kamryn up from school!

School Daze

Tomorrow is Kamryn’s first day of “real” school.  I call it “real” school because I don’t have to pay for it anymore.  We have been anticipating the first day of school for months.  Kamryn is technically old enough to go to kindergarten this year since the cutoff in CA right now is in December.  However, instead of sending a 17 year old off to college in 13 years (yes, this was ultimately the deciding factor), we are opting to enroll her in a pre-K program specifically designed for kids born between the dates of June 1 and December 1.  It’s basically 1/2 day kindergarten.

The purpose of this post, however, is not to tell you how great this program is, but to share how amazingly unprepared I am for tomorrow despite our eagerness for this day to come.

Yesterday, we spent the entire day with friends at a splash park.  The weather was great, the kids were having a blast and I thought playing on our final days of summer was more important than gathering our school supplies.

Last night I got a recorded message from Kamryn’s teacher, Mrs. Moffat.  This is the first communication we have had with her teacher and also how we found out who her teacher actually is.  I don’t know how knowing this information any sooner would have benefited me or Kamryn, but it just seemed odd not knowing until 2 days before I was expected to leave my child with her.  Regardless, I absolutely love her name.  Kamryn heard the message and she thinks she sounds “nice”.  I agree and then I thought how funny it would be to be a teacher and leave a message in a really gruff voice.  I guess it’s good I didn’t get into the College of Education when I applied.

I have also been a bit negligent in getting my 12 hour a night sleeper to accept the fact that she needs to get up early.  We did go out and buy a brand new Hello Kitty alarm clock but it’s the old school kind that actually rings and guess who got the sh*t scared out of her when it went off the following morning?  I’m not surprised, I heard it go off, clear as a bell (pun intended) in the kitchen with Kamryn’s door closed.  Kamryn proceeded to tell me that she didn’t think she was going to turn the alarm on anymore.  Kamryn needs to be in line to go in the school at 7:55.  Right now, it’s 9:08 and this is what she looks like:

Clothes on?  No
Hair brushed?  No
Teeth brushed?  No
Nevermind the fact that she was still sleeping soundly when we probably should be walking out the door for school.  Mrs. Moffat said we should plan on walking to school because the parking lot will be full.  WHAT?!  It’s only about 1/2 mile away, but this would imply that I will have my ducks in a row and be able to wake my child, feed, dress, and brush her in a reasonable amount of time.  Not to mention Rory – I think Kamryn’s classmates will get a good look at Rory’s pajama wardrobe over the next few months.  This is where being a stay at home mom is going to bite me in the ass.  If I worked and had to take the kids to a daycare, getting my child to school on time wouldn’t evoke such anxiety.

Tomorrow will come soon enough and I’m just hoping that I have enough time to take a couple of pictures of my little school girl because I have a super cool craft in mind!!

Redemption Day!

Yesterday Kamryn was spewing her judgment all over me and while I don’t think my interpretation of her words were 100% accurate, it did get me thinking.

Today, if you are keeping track, is my workout day.    I thought to myself as I was getting ready to run that I would actually have a nice, easy jog.  I would still run my 3 miles, but maybe slow it down a bit.  I’m not sure what happened from the moment I had that thought to the time I stepped on the treadmill, but I ran a personal best today.  I actually shaved about 15 seconds per mile off my time.

I was so impressed with myself, I thought I could take this a step further and actually pay attention to what clothes I wear today.  I was going to dress for success!  Well, not really because I still want to be comfortable.  I can’t sacrifice my comfort for anything.

Ta Da!!

A nice black t-shirt and a pair of linen pants.  Ok, so I can’t just stand and pose nicely and I’ll be damned if I’m going to actually use a hairdryer, but this is pretty good for me.  Especially on a weekday!  I may even wear real shoes and let my flip flops have a rest.  I feel I have redeemed myself on 2 of the 3 judgments from yesterday.  Now if I could just clean something.  I’m just not feeling like that is in the cards for today, though.  So just as Meatloaf said, Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad.

Seriously?

Last night Kamryn got into a bit of trouble right before bed.  She pushed her brother off the ottoman and while I don’t think she was trying to hurt him, but was a little overly excited, I told her she needed to apologize to him.  After some screaming, shouting and a fairly valid attempt at locking me out of her room, things settled down and all seemed back to normal.

However, this morning, I think Kamryn was seeking revenge on her disciplinarian.  She appeared to be the sweet little girl that she usually is, but then she pulled out the big guns.  Passive aggressive insults.  Now, I’m not a moron, I know that my nearly 5 year old wasn’t plotting out ways to crush my self esteem, but if she realizes how close she could have come to actually doing it, I am in for a world of hurt for when those teenage years hit.

Her first jab started off by asking me if I would like some water.  I told her I was going to have another cup of coffee instead and she put one hand on her hip and said “Well, aren’t you going to work out today?”  For the record, I work out every other day and I ran yesterday.  I told her I wasn’t going to work out and she replied with a hugely judgmental “Oh.”

I brushed it off and went on with my morning duties.  It was a bit chilly this morning so I put on some leggings and a longer shirt instead of my typical shorts and tank top combo.  The minute I stepped in the living room, Kamryn got this really excited look on her face and said “Oh, Mommy, you look pregnant!”  Seriously?  Pregnant?  Kamryn is really into babies lately.  She loves that her friends have infant siblings that she gets to hold.  I also know she would love it if Rory was still a baby or if I had another baby, but neither of those things are going to happen.

I just paused to take a couple of pictures of what I have on today to prove that I do not appear to be “with child” and as it turns out, Kamryn was right.  This is a hugely unflattering outfit I have on.  Normally, I wouldn’t care, but this is so bad that I think I may get asked by strangers when the baby is due.

The last straw was while I was sweeping off the deck.  The kids wanted to play with a slide that has been in the storage closet since we moved and I finally cleaned off enough space for them to play with it.  The detergent bottle had dripped down the front so I was cleaning it off when Kamryn said “You do such a good job cleaning.  I wish you could clean everyday!” 

So to summarize, I’m lazy, look like I’m eating for two, and don’t keep a clean household. 

Questions

The last couple of days have been full of questions.  None of which are related, but nonetheless, have kept me pondering all sorts of things.
1)      If your car pays homage to your Alma Mater, shouldn’t you drive like you know what the fudge you are doing?  Whenever I am behind someone who has a bumper sticker, license plate holder or other symbol commemorating their school and they drive like a moron, I immediately assume that all people who attended “X” University is also a moron.  For the record, today, everyone who went to Ohio State is an idiot.  Suck it Buckeyes!
2)      Can you paint a toilet?  I’m not talking about the inside…gross.  I had a dream last night that I was actually going to paint my toilet.  I’m not sure what method I was going to use, but it got me wondering, why don’t people have more colorful commodes?  White isn’t an optimal color for what goes on in there.  I may be on to something here. 
3)      Should I accept a friend request from someone that I thought had died?  I mean, are we really friends?  Shouldn’t I know if you have passed on?  Decisions, decisions.  I’m going to sit on this one for awhile.  Hopefully, this person doesn’t succumb to an early demise in the meantime. 
4)      Can Adam Scott be any dreamier?  Don’t worry, Ryan knows of my obsession and he somewhat encourages it, ie letting me know when Adam is on TV.  Because of Ryan’s acceptance of my fascination, I discovered that both Adam and Ryan have the same hair and the same facial hair growth pattern.  Who’s the lucky girl now?
5)      Where in the hell is the green cup?  We live in a small condo and somehow my children have misplaced the green Tupperware cup.  There was a time a few months ago that I kept smelling spoiled milk, but could never pinpoint it.  I have rearranged the furniture in nearly every room and the green cup has never resurfaced.
6)      And finally, if a movie is casting a role that warrants an accent, is it really impossible to find someone of that nationality to fill the role?  You can’t tell me that an American doing a French accent is more authentic than a French person just speaking.  What sparked this inquisition was my love of the show, House.  I adore Hugh Laurie, don’t get me wrong, but was there absolutely no one else that could have filled that role?  Or, would it have been absurd for Hugh to speak his native dialect?  When I hear American actors speaking in foreign accents, it sounds so forced and distracts me. 
So there you have it.  Those are the things that keep absolutely do NOT keep me up at night, but I am usually thinking about when no one is looking.