I Was A Sitcom Cliche!

Finish this scene:  A man is starting a new job at an office.  He is dressed in a tie and has to shred some papers.  What happens next?

Of course the man goes to shred the papers, leans over the shredder and his tie gets stuck.  It’s so common that they even have stock photos of it.

I think you are supposed to pay for these, but I don’t mind the logo on the picture and I think of this as free advertisement for Shutterstock.com.  Go to shutterstock.com for all of your stock photo needs!  

I don’t wear ties and I am not a man, but I did pretty much duplicate this scenario today.  I could piss off a bunch of feminists and say I did the female version of this, but I won’t.  (But I just did…see how I did that?)

I was cold after I got out of the shower today so I put on a scarf that I crocheted myself.  It’s a little long, but I was never known for my accessorizing abilities.  Rory had eaten a donut in my room yesterday and the stale crumbs were sticking to my feet as I was trying to get ready, so the first thing on the agenda was to vacuum.  I’m sure you already know where this is going, but I’ll finish the story just in case you have problems connecting the dots.  I was vacuuming and leaned over to pick up a hair elastic before it got sucked up.  The minute I did it, I knew I had made a horrible mistake.  The fringe on my scarf got sucked up, tightening the scarf around my neck and causing an extremely loud grinding sound to come from my vacuum. 

I have a Dyson and their big selling point is that they never lose suction.  I can attest to that.  It was actually the roller that grabbed the fringe, but the suction pulled those little pieces of yarn towards the death roller.  Ryan was out running and I had this brief image of him coming home and finding me on the floor, strangled to death while the kids were obliviously watching cartoons in the living room.  My first instinct was to just stand up as hard and fast as I could – kind of a clean and jerk action.  It was only after I felt the scarf tighten even more that I decided to drop the stupid hair elastic and use my hand to pull the scarf out. 

Did it occur to me to turn the vacuum off?  Of course not.  In fact I just continued to vacuum and I’m still wearing my scarf noose.

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