Welcome To Hollywood! What’s Your Dream?

On Friday I joined my friend, Janis for an impromptu visit to see her sister in L.A.  I had only been to L.A. once before despite living only 100 miles away.  I don’t love L.A.  It kind of has a Vegas feel to it and I don’t love Vegas either.  However, both places are fun in small doses.

We got a room at The Standard on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood.  This hotel was a museum of sexual innuendos.  It was awesome and it had me giggling at every turn.

These were hanging on the outside of the hotel. I thought they were kind of cool, but there is an obvious sexual tone to them.

Once we got inside the room, we were a little cold and went to turn the heat on, only to discover we had no idea what we were getting into if we turned the dial.


I looked through the tray of items they had displayed for us to purchase should we need some $8 M&M’s in the middle of the night.  I found this instead.

I'm not sure if these are the only positions that are effective when wearing these condoms or if they are merely suggestions.

The key card also said “Slip it in”.  They had pencils instead of pens in the room.  Here is one of them.  The apparently come in a set, available for purchase.

The other pencil said "Shave me."

We discovered a hallway on Saturday morning with some interesting artwork.

One thing about L.A. is that it’s great for pretty people watching.  We didn’t have one mediocre looking waiter or waitress the entire time we were there.  I know some of them are probably hoping to get into acting or theater and this line of work is perfect.  One of the bartenders feigned surprise after looking at my ID, discovering that I was 35.  In hindsight, I should of yelled “CUT!” right after his performance instead of being so obviously flattered.  What can I say?  We ended up getting quite a few free drinks, though, so maybe what I took as a compliment was really him trying to apologize for basically calling me old.

Janis and I did notice that we were approached by quite a few young men while we were at our final bar stop, Saddle Ranch.  We came to the conclusion that all of the hipster kids were looking for some old lady to pay their way through acting school and were hoping we were it.  After the 3rd or 4th guy came up to us, we started telling them how we met as a way to cut the conversation short.  Janis and I met after the births of our first children in a breast feeding support group.  Nothing makes a 20 something male more uncomfortable than talk of boobs serving their actual function.  I vaguely remember telling one of the boys that he he too could produce milk if someone sucked on his nipples long enough.  I don’t think he even said “Good-bye”.

Boobies! What bonds Janis and I for life!

We ended our trip with a walk up and down Sunset Blvd and then some relaxing by the pool where I watched a Brad Pitt look-a-like play ping pong.  Sorry, no pictures of him, but here is one of me as The Lorax.

Saddle Ranch gives you HUGE sticks of cotton candy to eat. I LOVE cotton candy - Janis finds it repulsive so I ate enough to make me sick.




5 thoughts on “Welcome To Hollywood! What’s Your Dream?

  1. Pingback: A Lesson | 10:02

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