This morning I had to go to CVS to pick up a prescription so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and run there so I could get my workout in too.  Rory wasn’t much in the mood to be in the stroller so I promised him he could pick out a treat when we got to the store if he was good while I ran.  He sat like a good little boy the whole way there.

The minute we got in the store, Rory asked if he was a good boy and could have a treat.  I told him he was and before I could steer him to the non-candy aisle, he was already drooling all over the M&M’s.  It was about 8:30 in the morning, I was not about to let Rory have candy.  I got him to settle on some chocolate donuts instead.  Sure, they probably have more sugar, fat and calories than the M&M’s, but it’s all about perception, people!

Anyway, this reminded me of a time about 4 years ago when Kamryn and I were at the grocery store.  She was somewhere around 18 months old and sitting in the cart as I checked out.  I had thrown a bag of Peanut M&M’s on the conveyor belt and thought I had done it without Kamryn noticing.  It wasn’t until the woman checking me out held them up and asked me if I wanted to put them in my purse.

I shook my head quickly back and forth while shooting a glance in Kamryn’s direction, which is the universal sign of “NO, AND HURRY UP AND PUT THEM IN A DAMN BAG BEFORE MY DAUGHTER SEES IT!”  Seriously, even in writing this out without a picture or video to show you what I did, you can understand, right?  Apparently she had never seen a sitcom.  It’s the same exact display when “Character A” is going on and on about how big of an ass their boss is to “Character B” only to have said boss come up behind “Character A”, thus ensuring “Character B” try in vain to get “Character A” to shut the hell up.  Believe it or not, this is not why the woman is deserving of my award.

Still holding the bag of M&M’s in her hand, she stared at me with a confused look on her face.  Let’s just assume I’m the crazy one here.  I clearly shook my head “No” so beyond any additional meaning I was trying to portray, she should have at least understood that, right?  I guess that was too much to hope for.  Instead, she says “You do want them?” and extends her arm out to give them to me, coming within inches of Kamryn’s head.  Huh?  WHAT?  With M&M’s in her peripheral vision, Kamryn whipped her head around and tried to grab the bag.  I was a little too quick and got to them right before her chubby little hand could grasp the candies causing an ear piercing shriek to emit from her mouth.

Here is where it gets interesting.  The checker kind of jumped back with a shocked look on her face like she was surprised that a toddler would react in such a way.  Kamryn, not surprisingly went from shriek to full blown, hysterical cry and completely out of control.  The checker, despite her previous reaction, sensed no source of urgency at this point and continued to ring up the rest of my groceries at a snail’s pace.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to console my screaming child with soothing, “It’s OK”‘s and “Shhhhhh”‘s.  Eventually, the cashier had all of my groceries rung through and gave me my total.  I avoided eye contact with her because I think my glare would have shot holes through her skull.  As I was running my card through the kiosk, Kamryn continued to cry and it was then that checker became my least favorite person and earned her award.  She leaned in toward Kamryn and crooned, “Oh, it’s OK, honey, your mommy will give you M&M’s when you get home.”

Congratulations, grocery store checker from 4 years ago!