I never know when I’ll get the urge to post, but when it hits, I feel I have to take advantage…even if it’s at 11:30pm on New Years Eve.
So here I sit, wrapped in a faux pashmina, slippers on my feet, glass of pinot at my side, Rory sleeping in his bed and Kamryn writing up a business plan for her “Balloon Messages”. Honestly, a great idea about sending your loved ones messages in a balloon. She’s currently charging $0.06, but I’m encouraging her to charge about 100% more.
2016 has been a shit year for me. I feel like I deserve to be selfish. If you know me, you know that my husband, Ryan, passed in August. That would be more than enough to make this a shit year, but no. More shit has happened. A friend and neighbor, Todd, also passed this year and left his wife and two young daughters. Friends of friends have passed and more have had strokes, cancer diagnosis and former classmates have had other ailments that are atypical for people in our age bracket.
I want to be optimistic for 2017. I really, really do, but if you know me, you know I’m a very devout Democrat and I am saddened, dismayed and scared about the next 4 years. I can’t say much more than that. I was feeling hopeless, but I do feel like it’s my chance to change how I operate on a day to day basis. I was watching the news 2 days ago and saw a story about a local woman who was attacked, her jewelry (wedding ring) was stolen along with all of her money and she was assaulted. There is a Go Fund Me account set up for her. If you can, help her out, please do. I don’t know her, but she needs help and when I needed help this year, I had many, many people at the ready to help me. I want everyone to have that. Every living person deserves that.
In 2017 I have decided to count my blessings. I am beyond blessed. Things that I used to take advantage of, I will be appreciative of. I will be thankful for all of my friends and family. I will be grateful for the roof over my head and the food on my table. I will try not to complain about the broken dishwasher or leaky gutters. I won’t wince at the emails that schedule conflicting activities for my kids. When I get asked if I can help out, I’ll smile and say, “Yes!” when I can instead of scrambling for an excuse not to. You can do it too. I’ll fail at times…I know I will. I won’t always say “yes” because some days I just can’t.
Some days I cry all the way to work because I miss Ryan. Other days I want to lock myself in my room because everything seems like just too much to take. Then there are days when I tell my kids how funny, caring and loving their dad was and I’m happy I get the chance to do that. And on another day, I reminisce about my childhood and my carefree days playing in the creek with my best friend, Sara. Sometimes, I sing at the top of my lungs…just because I can. In 40 years, I have had more good than bad and I am thankful for that.
So 2017…bring it. I got this.
You do have this Amy! Please know when you feel that the load is heavy, I have got you;) Love you friend. Always thinking of you & keeping you, Kamryn, & Rory in my prayers. Hope to see you & the California sand in 2017!