WTF Wednesday – There’s A Guy For That

I was watching the news last week and they had their own little WTF Wednesday (I don’t remember if it was a Wednesday or not) event.  The news reporter didn’t call it that, but she definitely implied it with her tone and her facial expressions.  I was just excited about having an award to give out.

If you think about childhood milestones that your child almost exclusively relies on their parents for what do you think of?  The big ones that popped into my head were walking, potty training, tying shoes, riding a bike, catching a ball and driving.  There’s a pretty big leap in there, but I’m not sure what I have to teach Kamryn how to do next.  We’ll figure that out when we get there.

Now you can pass off the responsibility of teaching your child how to ride a bike.  Some say that it’s just like hiring someone to teach your child to swim.  In a way, I can understand that logic, but history dictates that you learn to ride your bike from your parents.  And when it comes to life and death situations, I prefer to consult a professional.  Unless Michael Phelps fathered my children, I’ll be seeking out someone else to teach them to swim.

There’s also the argument of time.  Yes, it takes some time and it can be extremely frustrating, but there is a huge feeling of satisfaction when you see your child pedal away from you the first time on two wheels.  A couple of weekends is all it takes.

So unless you think there is a real possibility that you will end up directing your child to ride into traffic from the frustration, please don’t hire someone to teach your kid how to ride a bike.

 

WTF Wednesday

I don’t like to boycott business, but lately some of my once favorite places started doing or saying really ridiculous crap and I just can’t support that.

One of the businesses that I may have to boycott is Victoria’s Secret.  I have bought every single bra that I have worn for at least the last 15 years at this store.  I like the products, their return policy is fantastic and when they have a sale…they really have a sale.

However, I have to draw the line with this:

Photo courtesy of Victoria’s Secret.

This is the new Push -Up Sports Bra.  Why, why, why would this be necessary?  According to Vicki, “The Showtime gives you great lift and cleavage with a push-up halter shape for sexy style, even when you’re working out.”  If you are more concerned with having cleavage when you are working out, then you’re doing it wrong.

As a woman who is reliant upon a good, sturdy sports bra during a workout, I can say without a doubt that this is not for anyone with boobs.  Secondly, unless you are an actual Victoria’s Secret model, most women prefer to wear more than just a sports bra when working out.  So having some cleavage under your shirt is kind of a falling on blind eyes, isn’t it?

I’m all for wearing some cute workout gear.  Sometimes that’s the extra motivation to get out and do something, but let’s keep the boobs squished to our bodies like they should be.  Afterall, you don’t want to end up with two oranges in a pair of pantyhose, do you?

 

 

WTF Wednesday

I get the award today.

Do you remember when you were a kid you knew exactly when school was out and when it started again?  You also knew when you were going to have that first holiday or teacher inservice day off and every single holiday.

Last week we were on vacation and I was asked about 58 times when Kamryn started school.  I told everyone that she started on Thursday, the 23rd.  I expressed my concern that we haven’t begun to get back into a bedtime routine and I had precious few days to try and get her (not to mention me) back to going to bed at a decent hour.

Well, guess what.  School doesn’t start next Thursday, it starts next WEDNESDAY!  I just found out today.  It’s one day – not a huge deal, but how did I not realize the actual day that my child needed to go to school?  It’s the first day!  It’s not like I showed up on some random day that they had off.  I wasn’t going to be there on the FIRST day.

I missed a final once in college.  It was rescheduled about 1/3 into the semester and had I actually gone to class instead of thinking I could get by with only reading the text book, I would have seen the new final date plastered at the top of the overhead projector sheet.

Fortunately for me and about 5 others, our professor allowed us to take the final.  Somehow the other 295 people in the class showed up.  Not that it did me any good.  I believe I got a D in Human Biology, but an A in the lab and that brought me up to a C.  I still think my professor used that as a test to see who was stupid enough not to go to class.

*slowly raising my hand*

It was a teachable moment for me – I’m not saying I never skipped class again, but I certainly didn’t miss two classes in a row, much less an entire semester.

I have to make sure that I pass on my learned experiences to my kids.  Let’s start with the first day of kindergarten.

WTF Wednesday

Yesterday we took our weekly pilgrimage to the grocery store.  I wasn’t very excited about the trip because of the attitudes of my children, so I was trying to think of the easiest dinners to make to get us in and out of the store as quickly as possible with the least amount of items.

Both children were on their best behavior at the store, which makes the shopping experience much more manageable.  There weren’t any bouts of begging or whining about getting snacks or treats.  The worst I got was Kamryn saying, “I wish we could have some Otter Pops one day.”  I assured her one day I would fork out the $1.99 and get her Otter Pops, but she needed to show me that she wasn’t going to have a complete and total meltdown over frivolous things.

We talked about what frivolous meant for awhile as I continued to grab and toss things into the cart at almost record speed.  When I got to the front of the store, one of the cashiers even opened a new register for me – things went swimmingly.

I pushed my cart full of groceries and kids out to the car where I saw a woman about my age, an older woman who I assume was her mother, and a small child loading up the car next to mine.  I couldn’t help but hear the frustration in the younger woman’s voice and thus perked my ears up so I could eavesdrop on their conversation.

I know, I know, that’s rude, but I wasn’t going to comment on anything they were saying and it’s not like I could really help but hear them especially when I was right next to them.  Here is their conversation:

Woman:  I don’t see why I have to pay for that.

Older Woman:  You can bring your own bags.

Woman:  Oh yeah, and what am I supposed to do?  Leave them in my car and cart them everywhere I go?

Older Woman:  Well, yes, that is what most people do.

Woman:  But then I have to pay for those as well.  I’m not doing that.

Older Woman:  So you’ll pay each time you come to the store for paper bags, but you won’t pay one time and bring those bags back?

Woman:  These people are supposed to be providing me a service and if I want paper instead of plastic, they should give it to me.

Older Woman:  They do give it to you, they just make you pay.

Woman:  It’s stupid.

 

Um, I disagree.  You’re stupid.  So the gist of the story is this:  The woman wanted paper bags for her groceries, which are available at this particular store for a price (I think $.10 a piece) but this store also makes a point of promoting “being green” and rewarding you if you bring your own bags – as do most stores – so unless you want to pay or have your own bags, your crap is bagged in plastic.  Apparently, “carting around” reusable bags was far too much of a hassle for this woman – you know with how heavy and cumbersome they can be.

I am by no means as green as I should be and I could do more things to reduce my carbon footprint, but as a reusable bag user, I can assure you that reusable bags are the easiest thing for me to do to help the environment.

After listening to this little back and forth between the woman and what I presume was her mother, she left her cart in the middle of the parking lot and drove off.  People who don’t put their cart in the corral irritate the hell out of me.  The corral was literally 20 feet away.  Maybe less.

Maybe if she would take the 5 seconds it takes to put her cart away, she wouldn’t have to pay for those paper bags.  The store has to pay someone to wrangle all of those runaway carts and put them away, afterall.  I’m sure her mom was just beaming with pride.

WTF Wednesday With A Dash Of Independence

I had plans for a WTF Wednesday post, but I decided I don’t want to go into all the details of what happened to me a couple of days ago.  It’s another driving rant that ended in a fairly heated altercation.

I also don’t like leaving people hanging like that so here is the short and not so sweet story.  A “woman” cut in front of me, I honked because she almost hit me, she freaked out.  She was yelling obscenities and flipping me off.  I may have yelled, “You cut me off, bitch!”  Her worst insult after that was saying I looked 40.  That kind of left me speechless because when I saw her frumpy body hanging out of her car with bags the size of suitcases under her eyes, I was certain she was older than me.

Anyway, I’m pretty embarrassed about how I acted and I typically don’t even honk at people unless I really have to in order to avoid a collision.  Also, in my defense this lady was a real shitty driver.  She got honked at by at least one other driver backing out of the parking lot.  I can’t say that it didn’t make me feel just a little bit more valid in my outburst.

So today, I’m thankful for the ability to yell out my car window at a complete stranger and I guess for her to do the same.  Are situations like the above what make our country great?  No, I don’t think so, but I do like the right to type it all out and publish it for anyone to read.

I like that we are allowed the freedom to act like morons if we so choose and that if you don’t like it, you have the freedom of leaving.

We live in a great country and there have been many that have give up their lives to ensure that we have the freedoms that so many others don’t.  In the future, I’ll try to display my freedoms in a little more tactful way.

 

WTF Wednesday

Yesterday while perusing and stalking all of my Facebook friends and non-friends, I saw quite possibly the best fake product I have ever seen.

Picture courtesy of Neil’s Facebook page via Ferrigno FIT.

I showed it to Ryan and then immediately went to find out if it was real.  The Abhancer is completely made up and as far as I could tell, no one has claimed this awesomeness!

I was ready to pay up to about $25 for this just as a goof.  Instead, I’m going to try and fashion my own Abhancer and then make Ryan model it.  Of course he would just be enhancing his current 6 pack.

Obviously, this looks pretty easy and cheap to make and I can’t understand why someone would put so much effort into making the prototype just for a funny ad.  Abhancer Guy, I highly suggest you put some of these into production, because just like the testimony from Jeff on the ad says, this chick would dig it.

I will revoke my WTF Wednesday Award if Abhancer Guy delivers!

 

WTF Wednesday

There was a recent trial that concluded in San Diego involving a man named Anthony Arevalos.  He was a former San Diego Police Officer who was convicted of 12 counts of sexual battery and assault. In short, he would pull over women for DUI and offer them “deals” to get out of a charge or ticket.

As you might suspect, this was a pretty big deal and there was an enormous amount of news coverage on the trial.  Also, not without surprise, many of the women accusing Mr. Arevalos of the assaults didn’t want their identity revealed.

I could stop right there and be done with my WTF Wednesday Award, but Mr. Arevalos does not receive my coveted spot in blog history.  Oh no.  A judge decided 8 years in prison will suffice.

Instead, I give my award to the the local news.  As I said earlier, the women who were accusing Mr. Arevalos of sexually assaulting them did not want to be identified.  So, in this day of allowing cameras in the courtroom, those behind the camera, chose this area to focus their lens.

This is not one of the actual accusers, but someone willing to model for a good cause.

Apparently it’s not bad enough that these women were sexually assaulted by an officer of the law.  Someone who they looked to for protection.  They are then subjected to their chest being broadcast all over the news 4 times a day.

Was there no way around this?  What happened to the good old days of pixelating or blurring someone’s face?  None of the testimony was being broadcast live so how about edit a black box into the shot.  Get a little creative for Pete’s sake and don’t think, Oh, they don’t want their face shown, so I’ll just focus on their rack instead.

Quinoa-rific!

I know it’s WTF Wednesday and I had something I was going to write about, but it was kind of lame so I’ll tell you about it and then continue on with a real post unrelated to WTF Wednesday.

I got a letter in the mail from California College San Diego (I have never heard of CCSD).

Dear Amy:

Congratulations.  Because you closely fit our Preferred Student profile, you have been selected to receive our preliminary application for admission to California College San Diego for 2012.

So basically, CCSD is seeking out 35 year old, married, mother of two, with a 4 year degree, students?  Hmmm, me thinks you shouldn’t generalize your letter so much.  If I’m going to go back to school, I don’t want to be with a bunch of people like me!  I want to live vicariously through the hung over 20 year old sitting next to me in a Modern Lit lecture.

See?  Just, meh…not really deserving of the award.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I’m going to blow your mind with the BFSE!  (Best Fucking Salad Ever!)  A couple of weeks ago, one of my regular blog readers and commentors, Richard of The Last Song I Heard, suggested I write a cookbook.  I responded that I stole found all of my recipes from other places and none of them were my own – hence I would probably be sued for some kind of copyright infringement.  In fact, I’m probably not even siting the recipes the correct way when I post them on here so I’ll just have to plead ignorance on that.

This is my own recipe.  I’m not saying one similar doesn’t exist, I know it does because I have eaten it and I was trying to recreate it, but I think mine is better.  I’m going to stick with the name too – something tells me no one is going to copy that part.

B.F.S.E.!

For the dressing:

Juice of one lemon

Splash of red wine vinegar

1 clove of minced garlic

olive oil

Salt & Pepper

 

1 Cup shelled edamame – I didn’t know you could buy this in the frozen food section.  It’s called mukimame.

3.5oz container of crumbled goat cheese – or crumble your own if you’re a real go-getter.

1/2 Cup (or more) of corn – frozen, canned, fresh – whatever you have.

1/2 red bell pepper diced and eat the rest while you’re cutting up the onion.  I really meant to put in the whole thing.  So maybe there is about 2/3 of a red bell pepper.

1/2 red onion diced

1 Cup quinoa.  I would always get confused with this.  When I say 1 cup, I mean, boil 2 cups of water, throw in 1 cup of raw quinoa and what you get once it’s cooked is what you will use in the salad – all of it.  It yields at least 2 cups of cooked quinoa, I think.

 

Make the quinoa however you like it (I usually make it with chicken stock, but I didn’t have any when I came up with this and I think I like it better with just water for this salad.)  The quinoa will have to cool completely so the whole quinoa step takes about an hour.  In the meantime, chop your vegetables and make the dressing.  I actually wanted to make the dressing with balsamic vinegar because I LOVE that stuff – I could do shots of it, but I didn’t want it to change the color of the salad so I went with the red wine instead.  Once your quinoa is completely cooled – seriously, if it’s still warm, the goat cheese will melt and correct me if I’m wrong, but there aren’t many good salads that have melted cheese in them.  I threw frozen corn in with the quinoa after it had been cooling for about 20 min to really cool it down and thaw the corn at the same time.  I know, genius.  Mix all that shit together, salt and pepper to taste and voilà!

BFSE! If you have never had quinoa, this is a good introduction to it.

This is perfect for summer – and if you don’t like it, your taste buds are probably dead.  Yeah, you have dud buds.  Make it, pretend you made it up yourself, I don’t care – I’ll be too busy eating my way through pounds of BFSE!!

Oh!  Tomorrow is my 200th post.  I have something really special for all of you.  It’s not a giveaway – I couldn’t think of anything that I could give away.  I’ll keep thinking about that and maybe at the 300 mark or when I get done with my entire year of posts, I’ll have an idea.  Anyway, I am 100% sure that you will entertained in some way tomorrow – some may laugh, some may cry, some may scream in horror.

The suspense is terrible… I hope it’ll last. – Willy Wonka

WTF Wednesday

This morning I had to go to CVS to pick up a prescription so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and run there so I could get my workout in too.  Rory wasn’t much in the mood to be in the stroller so I promised him he could pick out a treat when we got to the store if he was good while I ran.  He sat like a good little boy the whole way there.

The minute we got in the store, Rory asked if he was a good boy and could have a treat.  I told him he was and before I could steer him to the non-candy aisle, he was already drooling all over the M&M’s.  It was about 8:30 in the morning, I was not about to let Rory have candy.  I got him to settle on some chocolate donuts instead.  Sure, they probably have more sugar, fat and calories than the M&M’s, but it’s all about perception, people!

Anyway, this reminded me of a time about 4 years ago when Kamryn and I were at the grocery store.  She was somewhere around 18 months old and sitting in the cart as I checked out.  I had thrown a bag of Peanut M&M’s on the conveyor belt and thought I had done it without Kamryn noticing.  It wasn’t until the woman checking me out held them up and asked me if I wanted to put them in my purse.

I shook my head quickly back and forth while shooting a glance in Kamryn’s direction, which is the universal sign of “NO, AND HURRY UP AND PUT THEM IN A DAMN BAG BEFORE MY DAUGHTER SEES IT!”  Seriously, even in writing this out without a picture or video to show you what I did, you can understand, right?  Apparently she had never seen a sitcom.  It’s the same exact display when “Character A” is going on and on about how big of an ass their boss is to “Character B” only to have said boss come up behind “Character A”, thus ensuring “Character B” try in vain to get “Character A” to shut the hell up.  Believe it or not, this is not why the woman is deserving of my award.

Still holding the bag of M&M’s in her hand, she stared at me with a confused look on her face.  Let’s just assume I’m the crazy one here.  I clearly shook my head “No” so beyond any additional meaning I was trying to portray, she should have at least understood that, right?  I guess that was too much to hope for.  Instead, she says “You do want them?” and extends her arm out to give them to me, coming within inches of Kamryn’s head.  Huh?  WHAT?  With M&M’s in her peripheral vision, Kamryn whipped her head around and tried to grab the bag.  I was a little too quick and got to them right before her chubby little hand could grasp the candies causing an ear piercing shriek to emit from her mouth.

Here is where it gets interesting.  The checker kind of jumped back with a shocked look on her face like she was surprised that a toddler would react in such a way.  Kamryn, not surprisingly went from shriek to full blown, hysterical cry and completely out of control.  The checker, despite her previous reaction, sensed no source of urgency at this point and continued to ring up the rest of my groceries at a snail’s pace.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to console my screaming child with soothing, “It’s OK”‘s and “Shhhhhh”‘s.  Eventually, the cashier had all of my groceries rung through and gave me my total.  I avoided eye contact with her because I think my glare would have shot holes through her skull.  As I was running my card through the kiosk, Kamryn continued to cry and it was then that checker became my least favorite person and earned her award.  She leaned in toward Kamryn and crooned, “Oh, it’s OK, honey, your mommy will give you M&M’s when you get home.”

Congratulations, grocery store checker from 4 years ago!