For Your Amusement

I have been known to do or say things that, when thought of years later, still make me blush and feel anxious.  Most of the time these instances happen because they played out in my mind as really funny and then during my attempt to complete the act of hilariousness some unforeseen event occurs and the result is utter embarrassment.  I guess in a way, though, it does end up being hilarious – for everyone else but me.

I shared this story a couple of weeks ago with some friends and I can’t remember why I told them about it, but I have been thinking about it ever since and I think if I write about it, I might be able to get it out of my mind.

Remember the Sasquatch post?  This incident happened at the same party as the Sasquatch siting.  I had been imbibing quite a bit at the Holiday Party and over the course of the night, I had met up with all of my fellow co-workers to enjoy a cocktail…or two.  Clearly alcohol had no part in the events leading up to me embarrassing myself.

At some point in the evening, I had met up with Larry, one of my co-workers.  His office was right across the hall from mine so we saw each other every day and had gotten to know each other fairly well.  He had shared with me that he had diabetes and had to really watch what he ate to ensure his blood sugar didn’t get too high.  That was his first mistake because from that point forward, Larry couldn’t even look at an M&M without me giving him a look.  I know he cursed the day he ever told me about having diabetes.

Larry was looking sharp in a black pinstriped suit and maroon shirt and tie.  He is also pretty tall and is easy to pick out in a crowd so it wasn’t hard to spot him and his date at the dessert table later on in the evening.  I jumped out of my chair and ran over to the table and without saying a word, grabbed all of the little bite-sized pastries off of Larry’s plate and shoved them in my mouth.

With my mouth completely full of yummy little cakes and cream puffs, I looked up to a face I didn’t recognize and then to a woman who stood with the most shocked and bewildered look on her face that I had ever seen.  I was confused – my eyes darted back to the pinstriped suit.  Yes, it was the same suit, but this was not Larry.  I had my hand to my mouth, trying to hold all the food in while I attempted to profess my most sincerest apology.

The couple was still staring at me as I swallowed the last of Pinstripe Suit #2’s desserts and I quickly repeated how sorry I was and told him that I thought he was someone else. Hearing that as my explanation, I could see that the looks on their faces didn’t really change so I blurted out, “He has diabetes!”

Pinstripe Suit #2 and his date both cracked smiles and I could tell they were starting to feel a little sorry for me and told me, “It’s OK.”  I took that as my cue to get the hell out of there and ran back to my table where I sat in shame.  It was then that I looked out on the dance floor and saw Larry, far away from the dessert table, cuttin’ a rug.  That son-of-a-bitch!

You can bet your ass that Larry found the story unbelievably hilarious and I’m sure he thought he was in the clear and I would never prevent him from eating any sugary delights in the future.  I didn’t stop and I think Larry just accepted that I was crazy.  He even let me use his blood sugar monitor before I went in for my gestational diabetes test when I was pregnant with Kamryn so I had an idea of I was going to pass or not.  (I passed.)