Best Birthday Card Ever

Both of my parent’s birthdays are coming up in the the next 2 months.  Last year, Kamryn and Rory made my mom a card because she always asks for drawings to hang up at work.  This was the killing two birds with one stone technique.  Kind of like giving framed pictures of your kids to the grandparents for Christmas presents.  They are always asking for the pictures so why not put it in a pretty frame, wrap it up in some festive paper and hand it over?  Done and done!

I sent my dad a store bought card for his birthday.  (At least I think I did – if I didn’t, I definitely intended to.  And I’m just throwing it out there, my cards are funny!  None of that Fathers are wonderful and protectors of the family bullshit.)  Anyway, shortly after my dad’s birthday, we were Skyping or just talking on the phone.  Damn, my memory sucks!  The point is, my dad had asked where his homemade card was.  I was taken aback.  Since when did my witty birthday greeting no longer suffice?

So Grandpa wants a homemade card, huh?  Somebody is too good for a Target bought card?  OK…you’ll get your card, Old Man!

Does this look like a guy who wants a mushy card?

I told Kamryn we were going to make Grandpa a card for his birthday.  I had her put anything she wanted on it and I told her I would tell her the letters to write.  She was only 4 at the time, knew all her letters, knew most of the sounds, but couldn’t read anything yet.

Again, my memory fails, but I think I had her write Happy Birthday on the front and on the inside I told her to write the following letters: H-e-r-e i-s y-o-u-r f-u-c-k-i-n-g c-a-r-d G-r-a-n-d-p-a!  She asked me what it said and I told her, I just left out one word: Grandpa.  I’m kidding, I told her exactly what it said because it was high time she knew how demanding and needy her grandfather was.  Oh alright, I left out the f-bomb when I told her.

I examined the card and the profanity written in shaky, child script.  It was almost too much for me to take.  I was crying tears of delight.  I guess I should say that I knew my dad was going to love this card.  We aren’t a sappy family.  We all know we love each other, we don’t need to say it at each and every turn so that leaves much more opportunity for hilarious shenanigans!

I threw it in the mail and had to wait an agonizing 3 days before I got the call.  My dad could barely speak because he was so overwhelmed with love.  I’m pretty sure that’s what he felt.  He appreciated his card so much that he even took it out to the golf course to show his golfing buddies how much his granddaughter cares.

I really don’t know how I’m going to top last year’s card.  Kamryn is able to sound out a lot of words – especially those that are phonetically correct.  Maybe my mom will be getting her own R rated birthday card.  Her birthday is only a couple weeks away so I might be able to stunt Kamryn’s learning until then.

My only regret is that I didn’t scan a copy of the card, but I can say with almost 100% certainty that my dad still has that card and will keep it long past it’s days of being funny.  Oh who am I kidding, it’s never going to stop being funny.