Happy Halloween!

I like Halloween.  I like it a lot.  I don’t like handing out candy, though.  I always feel like I have to compliment the little trick or treaters and nine times out of ten, they don’t respond to any questions, comments or compliments.  It ends up being an awkward silence after my forced enthusiastic “Oh my!  Look at you!  Aren’t you a pretty princess!  Where is your prince?”  Silence, accompanied by little outstretched arms holding a plastic pumpkin waiting for that fun sized Snickers to be dropped in.  After a few seconds of awkwardness while the other kids try to edge their way to the front in the hopes of avoiding talking to the weird lady handing out candy, I close the door and declare to Ryan “You’re getting the next one.”  And inevitably, “someone’s” bladder turns into the size of a dust speck and is conveniently unavailable for the next group of kids.   

Now that we have our own kids, there is no more handing out candy.  I put a bowl of candy out, but I make sure we are gone until all the trick or treaters are back in the comfort of their own homes swapping candy with their siblings and reluctantly handing over “just one” of the good candy bars to their parents to make sure there are no razor blades in it.

Tonight the whole family is dressing up (pictures to come later) and we will tour the neighborhood, collecting delicious morsels of chocolate, sugar, nugget and the like until someone has a meltdown or until one of the kids gets the crap scared out of them by an overzealous homeowner who isn’t good at recognizing the age of his audience.  I’ll put my money on Rory for both instances.  I may keep a tally of how many times I hear “Mommy, that scares me!” from my little boy.

Here is a collection of our costumes over the years.

Super Girl and Mummy

Ron Burgundy and Tits McGee  (This wasn’t Halloween, but too good not to include)

Cowgirl and her pony.
Baby Elephant
The Statue of Liberty

A little bigger baby elephant.

My Proudest Moments

Every once and awhile I do something that I am really proud of.  It’s not everyday or even every month.  Right now I’m averaging about every 2 ½ years.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of myself more than every 2 ½ years, but it’s for things that I should be doing anyway.  Like having well behaved kids in a restaurant.  It’s similar to that Chris Rock joke:
N-word always want credit for some shit they supposed to do. A n-word will brag about some shit a normal man just does. A n-word will say some shit like, “I take care of my kids.” You’re supposed to, you dumb motherfucker! What kind of ignorant shit is that? “I ain’t never been to jail!” What do you want, a cookie?! You’re not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker! 
Ok, maybe not that extreme, but you get the gist. 
Anyway, if you have made it past the gratuitous swearing, what has sent my pride levels from modest to boastful are Kamryn’s gifts for her preschool teachers.  As of two days ago, I wasn’t even planning on getting them anything, but I found myself at Michael’s this morning loading up a cart with all sorts of supplies.  I was bound and determined to make the best teacher gift ever!  This gift was going to show how appreciative I was to Mrs. K and Mrs. O that they took Kamryn under their wing every Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoon.  They taught her letters, numbers, songs, crafts, manners, etc.  Not to say I didn’t have a hand in any of the above, but they did it consistently. 
It is without further ado, I present to you, Teacher Appreciation Gifts 2011!!
I was looking online for ideas and came across the Hershey Kiss Roses.  I thought they were pretty cute and looked easy enough, but I knew Kamryn wouldn’t be able to make them on her own, although she did help me.  There were a lot of comments from teachers regarding gifts and they did say that they really did like the homemade ones.  And really, what else are they going to say?  “I hope to hell I don’t get another hand drawn picture from a kid.  Bring on the Panera gift cards!”  So while I got started on the roses, Kamryn decorated these ginormous mugs to give them a personal touch.
In case you were wondering about what I was so proud of 2 ½ years ago, it was this:
Kamryn’s 3rd Halloween outfit.  My little Statue of Liberty.  I can’t remember where I got the idea for this (big shock), but I do remember that this was made entirely out of a twin sheet set that I got in the clearance aisle at Target for $3.23.  I had the tissue paper and the rest was made from cut up FedEx envelopes with pieces of the sheet glued to it.  The best part was that no one asked what she was, which to me, indicates a damn good costume. 
Ok, so there is one more Halloween costume that I’m pretty proud of. 
Here’s Rory at his first Halloween all wrapped up in left over medical supplies to create probably the cutest mummy ever.  Unfortunately, not everyone knew what he was supposed to be.  I had to offer the information because I could tell there was some hesitation from the candy givers.  They didn’t know if this was a costume or something that had gone horribly wrong.
I’m going to start shooting for one awesome thing a year!  Starting….NOW!