Token Photos

As a mother of two children, I have certain photos that I have to take.  I believe it’s a parenting bylaw, adopted shortly after the invention of the camera.  The majority of the token photos are gender neutral, but there are a few that must be taken for each sex, in which case I actually have more photos that I have to take.  These photos don’t really serve a purpose.  They don’t document any major milestones, nor do they hold much comedic value.  They are just photos that every parent takes of their children during those early years and pull them out in a lame attempt to be funny when they are teenagers and have their friends over.

Here is the list of photos that you must take of your child.  It would benefit you to have more than one child because it isn’t mandatory that each child have these poses in their baby book, but there must be at least one representative from your brood.

  • Child crying – this unsympathetic picture is usually illiciting some kind of humor from the photographer.
  • Child drinking an alcoholic beverage – typically a beer.
  • Boy in women’s attire.
  • Any kind of naked photo.
  • Child covered in ink, marker or paint.
  • Child passed out in an awkward position.
  • Child in a strange place.
  • Child doing something dangerous, but apparently not worthy of you rescuing or stopping said child before taking a picture.
  • Child doing something disgusting.
  • Child covered in food – either while eating it or once it has been regurgitated.
  • Child doing something that may be used later as evidence of “signs he/she was destined to be a serial killer”.
  • Child wearing something ridiculous.
  • Child, usually a boy, looking at a Playboy Magazine.  A subcategory of this photo would be one involving a Hooters waitress.