It’s Rory’s Fault, Or Maybe The Gas

This morning I got up around 6:30 when Rory climbed into bed next to me.  Instead of just lying there, he stared at me while I tried to get a couple more minutes of sleep.  That’s worse than having him talking or watching TV because I could feel his eyes burning into my soul.  It was unnerving.

Getting up at 6:30 isn’t a big deal.  I prefer sometime after 7:00, but I’m usually asleep by 9:30…10:30 at the latest.  Yes, I require 8 to 9 hours of sleep a night, which I did get last night, but I was just a little slower to wake up today.

Kamryn woke up around 7:00 and once both children were fed and dressed, we headed over to my brother’s house where my treadmill is currently residing.  I ran my 5 miles, but the last mile was tough.  I could have slowed down, but I just wanted to get it over with.  I had already been on that treadmill for 40 minutes and I could handle another 10 minutes, but 11 minutes?  Out of the question.

Once we got home, I gave the kids a snack and jumped in the shower.  When I got out, I found Rory asleep on the couch.  It was 10:30 in the morning.  I got some water and I was suddenly extremely tired.  I laid down on the couch and was out within a couple of minutes.

I’m not sure how much time had passed, but Rory was standing in front of me with a Spongebob stuffed animal.  When I opened my eyes, he handed Spongebob to me to snuggle with.

My Snuggle Buddy

I took that sponge and fell right back to sleep.  I woke up again at 11:20, Spongebob still in my arms.  Kamryn was sleeping on my legs and Rory was back on the other end of the couch, awake, but very much in a relaxing pose.  If I didn’t have all the windows and balcony door open, I would have thought that there was a carbon monoxide leak.

I’m going to blame Rory for making us all so tired.  He never falls asleep that early – he can almost always hold off until at least 2:30.  Seeing him all curled up on the couch with his blanket just looked too inviting for me not to give it a try.  I have not taken a nap forever – and never as early as 10:30.

Once I finally got up, my legs were so stiff from not moving for almost an hour.  I could barely walk, but I did get up and I slowly started to feel refreshed.  I ate some lunch, fed the kids and by the time I finished eating, I was feeling great.

I figured we were just having a bit of a lazy day and all of our activities were catching up to us again.  Until tonight.  There is some kind of gas leak somewhere and the smell is overwhelming.  I called our gas company and there apparently had been numerous other calls before mine and they were sending someone out to look into it.

Here’s the kicker.  Because I called, I was told I had to stay inside so when the gas guy gets here, he can talk to me.  Uh, it’s going to be hard to talk to me if I get blown up, huh?  I am not allowed to turn anything on or off, I can’t make any phone calls on a landline, open or close any doors, light matches or candles or smoke.  Son-of-a-bitch!  There goes my Tuesday night.  I was going to flick the light switches on and off, get a landline hooked up, have the kids slam a bunch of doors while lying on my bed in my romantically candle lit room, smoking a pack of Marlboros*.


*I don’t smoke, but when I did, Marlboros were my brand of choice.

Wax On?

A couple of weekends ago we went to a local street fair where a lot of local businesses set up booths and hand out “free” things with tip jars conveniently at eye level or sitting on top of the business cards “so they don’t blow away”.

“Oh, could you hold this tip jar while I get you your complimentary frisbee?  Thanks!”

It wasn’t that bad, but I had a discussion last night with some friends about not having an “Obligation Gene”.  If you tell me it’s free, well, I kind of expect that it be free.  I’m not saying I don’t tip.  I consider myself a pretty good tipper, in fact.  I’m a minimum 20% tipper for all services unless you were completely horrible and then I might drop you to about 15%.  If you were really awesome and I’ve had a couple of drinks, you’ll probably end up with about 30%.

On that same note, if you give me a complimentary Karate lesson and clearly print on the card that attending the lesson entitles me to the class without further obligation, I shall take you at your word.  There are a lot of people that have a hard time saying “No” to people after they have been given something free.  I don’t.  In most cases, I have gotten about 15 minutes of your time and in return, I’m expected to pay hundreds of dollars.  I realize that I am in turn getting a service, but along with that money, I’m also committing my time.

Kamryn has been wanting to take Karate since she was 2.  Seriously.  She watched an episode of Spongebob Squarepants (Yes, we are a Spongebob Family, yes I heard about the study, no I don’t care.) where Spongebob and Sandy Cheeks are told they have to quit Karate, but they think of ways to incorporate it into their daily lives anyway.  Kamryn called the episode “Spongebob Hiii-Yaaa!”  I think the real name of the episode is “Spongebob Karate Choppers”.

Anyway, when we were approached by someone from the Karate Store (a Kamryn-ism) about signing up for a free lesson, I thought it would be a good chance to let her try it out since I am pretty sure both her and I have very incorrect views about what Karate is all about.  I also thought it would be good for Rory.  If Mr. Miyagi taught me anything, it’s that there is a fair amount of discipline and self control implemented in Martial Arts.

I don’t know what it’s called when they hit and kick the pads, but they did that for awhile and then were told to run around the room and to immediately stop with their hands at their sides when the instructor yelled “self control”.  Rory found it hilarious and wouldn’t stop running until he caught up to Kamryn.

Once they were done with their lesson, the instructor came over and said to me “Let’s get them signed up.  We have group class tomorrow.”  Whoa, Trigger, let’s just relax.  For one, I have absolutely no idea what a group class is, whether or not my kids even liked what they just did, what is expected of me and my children or how much you are asking me to pay and there is most definitely going to be an exchange of funds at some point.

I asked Mr. Presumptuous all of my questions above and then politely told him I needed to think about it.  That wasn’t my nice way of saying “No”, I’m really going to think about it.  Besides the expense, there is actually a fairly significant time commitment.  There are 3 classes a week, plus one private lesson for a total of 4 trips to the dojo.  There is no doubt in my mind that this would be good for both of my kids.  None whatsoever.  But I was told that he would want a 3 month commitment for both kids which equates to a whopping $1,200.

When we left, I asked Kamryn if she really liked the class, kind of liked it or didn’t like it at all.  She said she really liked it.  I asked her what her favorite part was and she said, “Running!”  Well guess what?  Running is free.

I Blame Caillou

I’m not going to pretend that I’m a mom that doesn’t allow my kids to watch TV.  I’m not even going to pretend that I limit their TV watching to an hour a day or two hours or whatever the recommended limit is.  I am also not going to pretend that I don’t let them watch certain cartoons, ie, Spongebob.  We have soft spot in our hearts for Spongebob.  The whole family loves him – even Ryan likes it because Ween writes and performs a lot of the songs on the show.

Lives in a pineapple under the sea.Poor Spongebob has gotten a bad name lately…something about impairing thinking in kids.  I don’t buy it.  I’m not trying to start a big debate about whether Spongebob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Sandy and Squidward are dumbing down my kids.  You can have your reasons for not letting your kids watch the show and I’ll have mine for allowing it.

Now that I have that out of the way, can we all agree on one thing?  Caillou is a whiny little shit. 

For some reason, Caillou is bald.  They never address why this 4 year old child has never sprouted even one hair on his head.  In fact, they never address anything on this show.  In nearly every episode, Caillou cries about something.  Whether it’s not being able to ice skate or getting dirty when he was the ring bearer in a wedding, he is distressed about something trivial.  The part that really makes me mad about this show is that no matter what Caillou does, someone is always blowing sunshine up his ass.  It always turns out a-ok for ol’ Caillou. I feel like Kamryn learned how to whine by watching Caillou – thinking that she would have a similar outcome as he did.

Kamryn used to watch Caillou all the time so I have probably seen the majority of the episodes.  I find the theme song to the show to be a little catchy and I find myself singing it, but I usually make up new words to it.  Here are the original lyrics and if you want to actually hear the song, here you goI’m just a kid who’s four, each day I grow some more, I like exploring I’m Caillou, So many things to do, each day is something new, I’ll share them with you I’m Caillou.  My world is turning, changing each day..with mommy and daddy and finding my way.  Growing up is not so tough, except when I’ve had enough but there’s lots of fun stuff I’m Caillou, Caillou, Caillou, I’m Caillou. That’s me!

My lyrics are:  I’m just a kid who’s four, each day I suck some more, I’m super annoying, I’m Caillou.  That’s really all the further I get.

If you have no idea who Caillou is and why he pisses me off so much, there is a marathon on Sprout tomorrow.  If you don’t have kids and think I’m overreacting, consider yourself warned.