Pants Not On Fire!

I have been known to boast about my daughter’s seemingly inability to lie to me.  Don’t get me wrong, she does bad things, but she ALWAYS comes clean about it – usually with little to no prodding.  Of course I know this is not the norm and I also know that this will not last.  Rory is proof of that.  That kid lies like a rug.

This weekend I noticed that Kamryn seemed a little stuffed up and was probably coming down with the cold that so many of her classmates and friends have had the last few weeks.  I wasn’t all that surprised to hear her wake up Sunday night, shuffle into the bathroom and gag into the toilet.  I figured she had a nice little sinus drainage down her throat and it was upsetting her stomach.

When I asked her what didn’t feel good she said, “Am I going to go to school tomorrow?”  I told her that we would see when she got up in the morning.  After 3 more visits to the porcelain throne, I told her she could just sleep in tomorrow and stay home and rest.

All day Monday Kamryn laid on the couch, watching The Disney Channel and coloring pictures.  We had a brief discussion about why she wasn’t at school after I told her she would not be allowed to play Just Dance.  That didn’t prevent her from jumping up and dancing to commercial jingles, though.

It was clear that she would be going to school on Tuesday.  This morning, she got up on her own, ate some oatmeal, got dressed and then started complaining about being too tired to go to school.  I told her she was going because being too tired is not a reason to stay home – especially when she slept 12 hours last night.  I told her to do some jumping jacks to wake up, instead she laid down on the couch and pretended to fall back asleep.

And the Oscar goes too…..

I got my little actress out the door and in the car without much of a problem and once we were actually at school in the classroom, I knew she was fine.  Every morning I stay in her class for about a half hour reading with Kamryn and her classmates and every time I looked at Kamryn, she was smiling and visiting with her friends.  I told her teacher that she was complaining about being too tired and then I jokingly said, “If she annoys you too much, call me and I’ll come and get her.”  Mrs. M laughed, I laughed, we laughed together.  So imagine my surprise when I got a call at 9:58 from the school saying they had Kamryn in the office with a stomachache.

Kamryn had been sent back to her class to get her backpack by the time I got there so I went down to her classroom to retrieve her.  She was sitting at her table waiting for one of her friends to finish coloring her a get well picture.  When Kamryn saw me in the door, a huge smile spread across her face and as we walked out of her class, she said without an ounce of restraint, “This is the 2nd time I got to leave school early!”

I almost turned her right around and marched her back into the classroom, but I didn’t think it would be fair to Mrs. M to have to deal with Kamryn whining the rest of the afternoon.  I didn’t say anything until we walked out of the school doors.

Once we were in the car I said, “When we get home, I want you to take your shoes off, get your homework out of your backpack and go back to your room and do it.  You will not be watching TV, you will not watch anything on the tablet, you will not have access to my phone.  You are going to lay in bed and rest all day.”

The look of disgust was almost worth having to go pick her up.  I asked her if she really felt sick and she said, “My tummy hurts.”  I told her that was fine and that the rest would do her good.  And then the questions:  If I feel better, can I watch a show?  No.  If I take a long rest can I watch one show?  No.  Can I color?  Maybe.  Can I play with Legos?  Maybe.

So I asked her again, “Do you really feel sick?”  And she told me, “No.”  She then had to listen to my lecture about how school is important and that she needs to be there to learn.  I asked her if she would rather be laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling or at school with her friends.  She said she wanted to be with her friends.

Now, if I thought for one minute there was something going on at school like she was being bullied or having a problem with her teacher, believe me, I would get to the bottom of it, but since I am at that school every single day and watch her interact in that environment, there isn’t even the slightest concern when it comes to that with her.  This was strictly Kamryn wanting to stay home and be lazy.  Unacceptable.

I let her come out of her room to eat lunch and I was showered with praise about how I am the bestest mom in the world and I’m so funny and so pretty.  After lunch I told her to go back and lay down.  Rory had finished his lunch and was looking all over for the tablet.  I got up, walked back to Kamryn’s room where I found her in her closet watching Baby Bratz on Netflix.

I took the tablet away, gave it to Rory and was immediately told I was the meanest mom.  She even took the time to pen her disdain.Kamryn's_noteIf you can’t read her phonetic note, it says:

You are the worstest, selfish, baddest mom ever.  I am never going to love you ever again.  Never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never.

Never going to love you again.

I told her that her note hurt my feelings and made me feel very sad.  She told me I hurt her feelings because I wouldn’t let her watch her shows.  I told her that wasn’t the same thing and that she was just mad because I wouldn’t let her watch the shows and that I didn’t do anything to hurt her.

She stomped off to her room and 15 minutes later, she came out to tell me she was sorry that she hurt my feelings and gave me a hug.  Then she told me she does love me.  See?  Cannot tell a lie.Kamryn&Aggie

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Kamryn And Rory Say…

I have been playing catch up on a lot of my stuff lately.  I have blogs that I love to read, but haven’t had the time to catch up on all the posts, emails that I have been putting off responding to for one reason or another, a stack of magazines that I haven’t read and I’m 3 days behind in my Lil Journal Project.

Today I am attempting to get through the magazine pile.  It’s about a billion degrees outside so we are stuck indoors for the afternoon and trying to entertain each other.  Ryan is held up in the bedroom watching football and the kids are bored as hell.  I was reading through a special supplement to one of my Real Simple issues that focuses on family.  There was a page with unfinished proverbs with endings made up by kids.  I decided to see what my kids had to say.  You can get a free printable from RS here.

A woman’s work is…

Kamryn: Qualcomm.

Rory: What?

You can’t teach an old dog…

Kamryn:  to do tricks.

Rory:  to eat me.

Good things come to those who…

Kamryn:  to kids that are good.

Rory:  to kitties.

People who live in glass houses…

Kamryn:  get scratches.

Rory:  break.

Life is a bowl of…

Kamryn:  wishes.

Rory:  baseball.

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

Kamryn:  say “hi!”

Rory:  just do it.

If wishes were horses…

Kamryn:  you’ll get a donkey kick.

Rory:  get a guy on there and say “neeeeiiiiiiggggghhhh!”

The early bird catches…

Kamryn:  a worm.

Rory:  a dragon.

You can’t have your cake and…

Kamryn:  until it’s your birthday.

Rory:  your birthday.

I kept the kids separate when I asked them to finish the sentences – apparently we only have cake when it’s someone’s birthday.  I was impressed that Kamryn got a couple of them semi-right, but I have to be honest, I have never heard the “If wishes were horses…” proverb before.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that neither of my kids finished that correctly.

 

 

Glass Case Of Emotion!

I’m here for you, Ron.

Today was an interesting day.  I have never felt so bi-polar in all my life and I only have my children to thank.

This morning I woke up and felt an empty pit in my stomach (I think it’s a gall bladder issue).  It was just before 6:00 and I was secretly hoping Rory would wake up so we could hang out a little and I could gauge his feelings about starting preschool today.

Shortly after 6:00, Rory got up, came into my room (I had yet to actually leave my bed) with his outfit for his first day of school in his hands.  He said, “I’m ready to put my clothes on!”  So much for feeling the need to discuss this whole school thing.

After a breakfast of banana oatmeal, which he only took 3 bites of, I told him to brush his teeth.  He told me he wanted me to do it, but I was making Kamryn’s lunch and told him he was a big boy and he needed to do it.  We had a little back and forth argument about brushing teeth.  *Glancing at the clock*  When does he have to be at school????

By this time, Kamryn had awoken from her slumber and was demanding breakfast and then proceeded to argue with Rory about how many days he was going to be in school.  For the love of all that is holy!  Everyone shut the hell up for a minute and leave each other alone!

We were all ready, walking out the door, and Rory grabbed my hand.  He has done this every single day for as long as we have lived here, but today…oh today it was something different.  Tears were welling up in my eyes as me and my little buddy started down the stairs.

Once we got in the car, Rory was asking when I was going to drop him off.  We have discussed the procedure at great length for the last few days, but Rory continues to insist that he be dropped off first.  To which Kamryn screams in his face, “I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL FIRST OR I’LL BE LATE!”  Aaaaaaagggggghhhhh!

Rory finally relented and we get Kamryn to school without further incident.  The next obstacle is going back home, grabbing a snack and walking Rory across the street to preschool.  He starts to tell me he wants me to drive, but since I plan on running immediately after he gets dropped off, I don’t want to have to drive back across the street and park the car and drop off my keys and purse before I go.

He was finally in agreement and we headed out the door.  As we were walking, we talked about all the things he might do today.  I would ask him if he thought he was going to sing songs and he would reply with an enthusiastic, “Yep!”  Play outside?  “Yep!”  Once again we held hands and talked about how awesome preschool is and how many pine cones we saw.  The kid is obsessed with pine cones all of a sudden.

I got to the gate to go inside and I said, “We’re here for preschool.”  The woman just smiled and nodded because she could tell I really had to struggle to get that sentence out without letting my voice crack.

We were there about 15 minutes early so I could take some pictures.He was a bit hesitant when he was approached by one of the teachers, but then blurted out that he had on an Olympic shirt and he was Michael Phelps.  Nice.  When it was time to go in his classroom, he slowly let go of my hand and walked in to his carpet spot.  His teacher already was welcoming the kids in with a song about dinosaurs and Rory jumped right in with the actions.  I walked out, nearly on the verge of a breakdown, stopped and walked back to peek in the door just to make sure he wasn’t looking for me.  He turned around right as I looked in and waved good-bye.  I blew him a kiss and immediately turned and started frantically looking for something…anything on my phone so all the other parents wouldn’t see the tears streaming down my face.

Once I got to the parking lot, I wiped my eyes, blew my nose, turned on Pandora and I…was….runn-ning!  My thoughts never left my little boy and once I got home about an hour later, I walked into silence.  Oh wow!  It’s quiet!

I took a shower without anyone barging into the bathroom to discuss what bodily functions they needed to take care of or screaming that someone hit them.  I could shave my legs in a leisurely and thorough fashion instead of some half-assed shave job that left tufts of hair on my knees and ankles.

And then when I got out of the shower, I could get dressed in what I wanted without recommendations from my fashionista daughter or questions about certain parts of my anatomy.  Things were looking up!

I spent the next two hours on the couch, watching HGTV.  My parents are in town so my mom came over to help out at pick up since both kids will be getting out at almost the exact same time for the rest of the month.

I went to pick up Rory and while I waited for him to get dismissed, one of the teachers came up and told me how great he did and that he was the sweetest little boy.  I handed her a picture to put on his cubby and she hugged it…seriously.  I’m not saying she was crazy, but she really likes Rory.  And just for the record, this is the picture that’s going on his cubby.

Yeah, I know.

Once I saw Rory come out of his classroom, I started to tear up again, but it was short lived when I saw how happy and excited he was.  He told me he had cheese at snack time.  Awesome.

And not long after we got home, he was passed out from his big day at school.

Those maze worksheets and follow the line activities really wear a kid out.

He only slept for about an hour and right as he woke up, I got a text from the mom of one of the kids in Kamryn’s class who asked if the kids could come over for an hour to play.  I told them they could, but I didn’t want her to feel like she had to take both of them without me.  She insisted and I conceded.  I’m once again home alone!

 

Rethinking Preschool

There is a chance that Rory will be starting preschool in a couple of weeks.  I am on a waiting list to get him in, but decided to follow up and see if there had been any pre-preschool dropouts in the meantime.  I was told that there may be a spot for him, but they wouldn’t know for sure for a week or two.  I told her I wasn’t in any hurry and 2 weeks would actually be ideal for a start date.

This morning when I dropped Kamryn off at school, she was all smiles and didn’t have a care in the world.  It made it really easy on me as well.  I know this has a lot to do with her being in her Pre-K class last year, being familiar with the school, having the same teacher and seeing lots of familiar faces.  It didn’t even phase me that my little girl was starting kindergarten.Then I saw my friend, Patty.  She just sent her two youngest girls off for their first day of kindergarten and she was a little glum.  Poor Patty.  I still have Rory to send off to school so I know I have two years before I need to face that realization that there will be no more 1st days of kindergarten.

I went home and started organizing the kitchen to accommodate all the food I bought at Costco last night so I could easily make Kamryn’s lunch in the morning.  That got me thinking…if Rory starts preschool, he’ll go 3 days a week.  At first that was so exciting for me.  I thought of all the things I could get done during a week, but seriously, after about 2 weeks, what else am I going to do?  And then, I was the glum one.  I started to get all teary-eyed thinking of sending my little boy to preschool.

Someone once asked me if I just had Rory for entertainment purposes.  Well, no…I had no idea he would be as entertaining as he is, that’s just a bonus.  Today I got a super bonus.

I had to go to Home Depot to pick up some plumbing supplies.  (Note to self, don’t become a plumber.  It sucks.)  I still had 45 minutes before I had to pick up Kamryn and it wasn’t worth it to go home and leave again so we went over to Ross to browse.  I picked out a couple of things for the kids – a first day of school present – I don’t know why I insist on spoiling my children.  Anyway, we were standing in line and a very short man walked past Rory and I.

Now, Rory is barely 3 feet tall himself, and this man, while he wasn’t technically a Little Person, he was a very short man.  He was probably in his mid to late 60’s, and not quite 5 feet tall.

The minute Rory saw him, his eyes got wide.  I was already biting the inside of my cheek just because of Rory’s reaction.  But then, he turned to me and shouted, “That guy is LITTLE!”  I heard a couple of snickers behind me and I now had my teeth fully imbedded into the flesh in my cheek.  I stood, looking straight ahead of me as the little man turned and looked in our direction.

That got Rory a little too excited and he started to say it again!  He got out, “Mama, look at that…” and I nudged him on the arm and said the first thing that popped in my head, “Come on, we need to go get Sissy!”  That was enough of an interruption to at least stop him mid-sentence.

Luckily, it was our turn to pay and we got the hell out of there.  I stepped outside and out came the suppressed laughter.  Rory asked me what I was laughing at, I told him I was laughing at him and he got pissed.  Ahhh, Rory, you must stay home with me and be my little jester for just a bit longer.

School Starts…

tomorrow.  Shit.  Shit.  Shit.

I haven’t been to the store for anything worthwhile in about 2 weeks.  We have been eating bits and pieces of meals for about the last week and going out all the other times.  I may stop by the store and pick up part of a meal, but nothing that will get us past one dinner.  I hate feeling this unorganized.

Kamryn is starting school tomorrow and I have to pack her a lunch and a snack.  I am going to despise this part of school unless I figure out a really good plan on how to go about it.  I know there are websites dedicated to healthy kid lunches and I will be hitting every single one tomorrow.

I went to Costco tonight and bought a ton of fruit and vegetables.  Kamryn likes both and I have a plan of packing her a bunch of little containers of things because if there is something she decides she doesn’t like that day, she’ll have about 5 other things to pick from.

In my completely unorganized state that I have been in, I forgot, or maybe just didn’t bother, getting Kamryn her new lunch bag.  We ended up at Target today to a completely picked over lot of blue lunch bags.  As luck would have it, there was one, kind of blingy Hello Kitty bag that she snatched up.  There was another girl on stand-by if Kamryn put it down so I told her to throw it in the cart.

I also got her a Hello Kitty thermos.  Kamryn was not familiar with thermoses and what purpose they serve.  I told her I could put any food that she wanted in it that was hot and it would stay hot until lunchtime.  Her eyes lit up and she said, “Like soup?”

“Well, yeah, soup, but it’s 80 degrees outside.”

“I want soup.”

So on Kamryn’s first day of school, she’ll be carting along chicken noodle soup, 1/2 peanut butter and jelly sandwich, pudding, and some kind of hybrid apple-pear thing I found at Costco.  I’m also going to throw in some strawberries and baby carrots.  Mmmmmm.

I  have another plan of filling her thermos full of ice cream one day as a surprise for her.  Last summer she was in a little pre-school camp where she had to bring a lunch and one day I put one Hershey Kiss in there.  She acted like she discovered the meaning of life when she found it.  Seriously…best. day. ever.  Just think what she would do with a full thermos of ice cream!

Question Of The Day

This was a staged photo. I asked a couple of Vegas cops or security guards (I’m not sure) to pretend like they were arresting me – I like it when they play along.

Kamryn:  When you are in prison, are you going to miss me and Rory?

Me:  Huh?  What do you mean when I’m in prison?

Kamryn:  You have to go to prison if you do something bad.

Me:  I’m not going to prison.

Kamryn:  But you have to if you do something bad.

Me:  I have done nothing bad.

 

Spa Day!

Each year my friend, Rochelle (b-day 7/1) and I (b-day 7/29) schedule a spa day to celebrate our July birthdays.  Massages, facials, manis, pedis and the occasional waxing are scheduled and then followed with a lunch and drinks to repollute our bodies with all of the toxins that were steamed, scrubbed and scraped off.

This year, I wanted to try a microdermabrasion treatment.  I have gotten facials in the past, but now that I’m closer to 40 than I am to 30, I thought I better up the power and take off a couple of layers of skin from my face.  Before the esthetician started the procedure, she warned me that it wasn’t a relaxing procedure.  I assured her that it was OK because I had a massage scheduled right after.  She made a couple of other somewhat discouraging comments and I started to think I may have made a horrible mistake.

Looking back on it, I told her that I was turning 36 in a week and I wanted her to make me look 26.  I was kidding, but maybe she didn’t get my joke and didn’t want me to have too high of expectations.  Well, the joke’s on her because I can see a HUGE difference!  I highly recommend microdermabrasion and I’ll definitely be doing another in the future.  I told her she completely undersold the treatment and there were actually parts of it that were relaxing.

I asked Ryan if he could tell the difference and like a good husband, he said, “Yeah.”  But he had a weird smile on his face and I know that smile means I’m only saying that because that is what you want me to say and I don’t want to be a dick.  I kept pushing and then he said, “Do you have make-up on?”  I told him I didn’t.  He replied, “Your face looks like it does when you have make-up on.”  Sah-weeet!

After my microdermabrasion, I relaxed while Rochelle finished up her massage since we were using the same masseuse.  Last year, the masseuse that did our massages was not good.  Before he started the massage he said if he did anything I didn’t like to tell him.  Well, that’s great, but I’m supposed to be relaxing and possibly drifting off to sleep – not telling you that I don’t like the karate chopping motion you are doing on my back.  Yes, he actually did the chopping.

Rochelle walked out after her massage and had an “Oh. My. God.”  look on her face.  In the good way.  She said the massage was fabulous.  I was getting pretty excited since I get a massage oh, let’s see…once a year.

Well, Rochelle was right.  It was one of the best massages I have ever had.  I’m pretty sure I walked out after with the same expression on my face that Rochelle had.  There was just enough pressure and the right areas were focused on more than others.  The best part was when she was massaging my hands.  Yes, my hands.  I could have laid there forever with her kneading my palms.

Once all of our treatments were finished, we headed over to a nearby pub close to the beach to rehydrate.  Ryan and the kids were supposed to meet us for a late lunch, but no kids were allowed in the bar so we had to pack it up and head to another place.

We ended up eating huge burritos, chimichangas and the biggest tostada I have ever seen.  It was a nice way to wind down after a morning of relaxation.  My car was still at Rochelle’s house so I sent Ryan and the kids on their way and went to pick up my car.

I was driving my 2001 Civic – a car that I rarely drive anymore, but it’s so much fun to drive.  It has a manual transmission so I feel like I’m driving a race car, especially after hauling around in a big SUV all the time.  I’m low to the ground and I can dart in and out of traffic.  Right now the air conditioning doesn’t blow any cold air so I was driving with the windows down.  If anyone was heading north on the 15 this afternoon and you heard someone screeching out the lyrics to Purple Rain…that was me.

I was happily driving along, had a fully belly, my muscles were all nice and relaxed.  I was feeling good.  And then, the text message:

That lady is still in your spot.  If she is still there when u get here, she left a note to call her to move it.  Rory puked on the drive home…Kamryn and I were both gagging.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuudddddddggggge.

Ryan told a woman who was waiting for a visitor’s spot that she could park in one of our spots for a couple of hours before he left.  When I got home, her car was still there.  I called the number on the windshield and she came right out, told me how nice my husband was for letting her park there and then moved her car.

Once I got inside, Rory ran to tell me he threw up.  Ryan said he was waiting for me to get home before he cleaned it up, but I knew if he did it and then I went out and smelled puke the next time I got in the car, I was going to be pissed so I did it myself.  Now if it still smells like puke, I only have myself to blame.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be, but my relaxation buzz was starting to wear off.

A little while later, Kamryn came out of the bathroom and told me that Rory peed on her leg.  He was sidling right along next to her and when I asked him why he did that he said, in Rory speak, “A-cause I haffa go pee and Sissy on dere.”  Translation:  I had to pee and thought it would be funny to pee on my sister instead of going to the other bathroom to relieve myself.  Kamryn declared that it itched and was hot.  Uh, yeah…it’s urine, go wash it off.

Not long after the peeing incident, Rory spit on his sister.  Ryan escorted him to his room where he stayed for a whole 2 minutes before coming out, administered his apologetic hug to his sister and I talked to him about the rights and wrongs of spitting.

And finally, once again, Rory has been sent to his room for not listening.

Rory = 4

Relaxation = -1,845,295

UPDATE:

Being a pain in the butt really wears a boy out.