A Birthday, A Binky, and Some Balloons

Today is Rory’s 4th birthday.  We have been preparing for this birthday ever since his 3rd birthday.  Last year, I wanted Rory to rid our house of all binkies.  Rory’s craziness outlasted my love of sleep and he was granted access to Binky for sleeping only.  That lasted about a week before Binky was once again a permanent fixture in Rory’s mouth.  He never took it out of the house – he was a closeted binky-sucker.

About a month ago I really started driving it home to Rory that his Binky was not going to be around once he turned 4.  He was once again seemingly excited to rid himself of his Binky, but I had my doubts.  I also knew that if we didn’t really get rid of Binky, I would give in and let him have it as soon as the going got a little tough.  We decided that tying Binky to the end of a bunch of balloons and letting it fly away was the proper way to expose of his plastic oral fixation.

Rory and all of his ladies.

Rory and all of his ladies.

Kamryn really wanted to be the one to let the balloons go because she is a control freak like her mom, but I insisted that Rory be the one to do it.  He needed closure.  So after we all counted to three, he released the balloons and up, DSC05539

up, DSC05541

up,DSC05540 and up it went.  There was not much wind and Binky appeared to be going straight up in the air.  I had already said that if that damn binky ended up back at our house or if the balloons all popped and it fell right at Rory’s feet, we would be taking it home and he would be allowed to have it as long as he wanted.  Of course it did not and Binky is now somewhere east of San Diego.  In hindsight, I wish I would have attached a note for the whoever found it to email me so I knew how far it had gotten, but I may had been too tempted to go pick it up if I knew.  Not knowing is best.

After about 5 minutes, Binky was no longer visible to the naked eye so the kids flew kites, drove remote control cars and we looked on as our children gazed out over our beautiful city on a gorgeous day,DSC05553 on a little boy’s birthday.

DSC05561Happy birthday, to my wonderfully crazy, silly, naughty, hilarious, adorable, and best little boy!!

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Pants Not On Fire!

I have been known to boast about my daughter’s seemingly inability to lie to me.  Don’t get me wrong, she does bad things, but she ALWAYS comes clean about it – usually with little to no prodding.  Of course I know this is not the norm and I also know that this will not last.  Rory is proof of that.  That kid lies like a rug.

This weekend I noticed that Kamryn seemed a little stuffed up and was probably coming down with the cold that so many of her classmates and friends have had the last few weeks.  I wasn’t all that surprised to hear her wake up Sunday night, shuffle into the bathroom and gag into the toilet.  I figured she had a nice little sinus drainage down her throat and it was upsetting her stomach.

When I asked her what didn’t feel good she said, “Am I going to go to school tomorrow?”  I told her that we would see when she got up in the morning.  After 3 more visits to the porcelain throne, I told her she could just sleep in tomorrow and stay home and rest.

All day Monday Kamryn laid on the couch, watching The Disney Channel and coloring pictures.  We had a brief discussion about why she wasn’t at school after I told her she would not be allowed to play Just Dance.  That didn’t prevent her from jumping up and dancing to commercial jingles, though.

It was clear that she would be going to school on Tuesday.  This morning, she got up on her own, ate some oatmeal, got dressed and then started complaining about being too tired to go to school.  I told her she was going because being too tired is not a reason to stay home – especially when she slept 12 hours last night.  I told her to do some jumping jacks to wake up, instead she laid down on the couch and pretended to fall back asleep.

And the Oscar goes too…..

I got my little actress out the door and in the car without much of a problem and once we were actually at school in the classroom, I knew she was fine.  Every morning I stay in her class for about a half hour reading with Kamryn and her classmates and every time I looked at Kamryn, she was smiling and visiting with her friends.  I told her teacher that she was complaining about being too tired and then I jokingly said, “If she annoys you too much, call me and I’ll come and get her.”  Mrs. M laughed, I laughed, we laughed together.  So imagine my surprise when I got a call at 9:58 from the school saying they had Kamryn in the office with a stomachache.

Kamryn had been sent back to her class to get her backpack by the time I got there so I went down to her classroom to retrieve her.  She was sitting at her table waiting for one of her friends to finish coloring her a get well picture.  When Kamryn saw me in the door, a huge smile spread across her face and as we walked out of her class, she said without an ounce of restraint, “This is the 2nd time I got to leave school early!”

I almost turned her right around and marched her back into the classroom, but I didn’t think it would be fair to Mrs. M to have to deal with Kamryn whining the rest of the afternoon.  I didn’t say anything until we walked out of the school doors.

Once we were in the car I said, “When we get home, I want you to take your shoes off, get your homework out of your backpack and go back to your room and do it.  You will not be watching TV, you will not watch anything on the tablet, you will not have access to my phone.  You are going to lay in bed and rest all day.”

The look of disgust was almost worth having to go pick her up.  I asked her if she really felt sick and she said, “My tummy hurts.”  I told her that was fine and that the rest would do her good.  And then the questions:  If I feel better, can I watch a show?  No.  If I take a long rest can I watch one show?  No.  Can I color?  Maybe.  Can I play with Legos?  Maybe.

So I asked her again, “Do you really feel sick?”  And she told me, “No.”  She then had to listen to my lecture about how school is important and that she needs to be there to learn.  I asked her if she would rather be laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling or at school with her friends.  She said she wanted to be with her friends.

Now, if I thought for one minute there was something going on at school like she was being bullied or having a problem with her teacher, believe me, I would get to the bottom of it, but since I am at that school every single day and watch her interact in that environment, there isn’t even the slightest concern when it comes to that with her.  This was strictly Kamryn wanting to stay home and be lazy.  Unacceptable.

I let her come out of her room to eat lunch and I was showered with praise about how I am the bestest mom in the world and I’m so funny and so pretty.  After lunch I told her to go back and lay down.  Rory had finished his lunch and was looking all over for the tablet.  I got up, walked back to Kamryn’s room where I found her in her closet watching Baby Bratz on Netflix.

I took the tablet away, gave it to Rory and was immediately told I was the meanest mom.  She even took the time to pen her disdain.Kamryn's_noteIf you can’t read her phonetic note, it says:

You are the worstest, selfish, baddest mom ever.  I am never going to love you ever again.  Never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never.

Never going to love you again.

I told her that her note hurt my feelings and made me feel very sad.  She told me I hurt her feelings because I wouldn’t let her watch her shows.  I told her that wasn’t the same thing and that she was just mad because I wouldn’t let her watch the shows and that I didn’t do anything to hurt her.

She stomped off to her room and 15 minutes later, she came out to tell me she was sorry that she hurt my feelings and gave me a hug.  Then she told me she does love me.  See?  Cannot tell a lie.Kamryn&Aggie

Kamryn And Rory Say…

I have been playing catch up on a lot of my stuff lately.  I have blogs that I love to read, but haven’t had the time to catch up on all the posts, emails that I have been putting off responding to for one reason or another, a stack of magazines that I haven’t read and I’m 3 days behind in my Lil Journal Project.

Today I am attempting to get through the magazine pile.  It’s about a billion degrees outside so we are stuck indoors for the afternoon and trying to entertain each other.  Ryan is held up in the bedroom watching football and the kids are bored as hell.  I was reading through a special supplement to one of my Real Simple issues that focuses on family.  There was a page with unfinished proverbs with endings made up by kids.  I decided to see what my kids had to say.  You can get a free printable from RS here.

A woman’s work is…

Kamryn: Qualcomm.

Rory: What?

You can’t teach an old dog…

Kamryn:  to do tricks.

Rory:  to eat me.

Good things come to those who…

Kamryn:  to kids that are good.

Rory:  to kitties.

People who live in glass houses…

Kamryn:  get scratches.

Rory:  break.

Life is a bowl of…

Kamryn:  wishes.

Rory:  baseball.

If you don’t have anything nice to say…

Kamryn:  say “hi!”

Rory:  just do it.

If wishes were horses…

Kamryn:  you’ll get a donkey kick.

Rory:  get a guy on there and say “neeeeiiiiiiggggghhhh!”

The early bird catches…

Kamryn:  a worm.

Rory:  a dragon.

You can’t have your cake and…

Kamryn:  until it’s your birthday.

Rory:  your birthday.

I kept the kids separate when I asked them to finish the sentences – apparently we only have cake when it’s someone’s birthday.  I was impressed that Kamryn got a couple of them semi-right, but I have to be honest, I have never heard the “If wishes were horses…” proverb before.  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that neither of my kids finished that correctly.

 

 

The Water Bottle

This morning everyone was ready to walk out the door by 7:15.  Kamryn’s lunch was packed, shoes were on, hair was done.  We don’t normally leave the house until 7:30 so a15 minute reprieve was nice.
Once we got to school, Kamryn went to her classroom and Rory and I went to fulfill some PTA duties.  After that, I stopped by the store to get a donut to reward Rory for being good and picked up the missing items from my dinner menu this week.
We were finally on our way home around 9:30.  The minute we walked in the door, I saw it.  Kamryn’s water bottle.  The sight actually gave me a little tingle of adrenalin.  It’s a water bottle for Christ’s sake, but I knew this was going to elicit one of two responses from my child.  1) She was going to be really upset and cry.  2) She was going to be pissed at me and I would have to hear about it the rest of the day.
I swear I’m not afraid of my child, but if you have kids, you know that they have certain triggers that throw them in a tailspin.  Kamryn’s trigger is not having something she is supposed to.  A pen instead a pencil, a red crayon instead of an orange, an apple instead of a banana…you get the picture.
I actually considered taking the water bottle to school.  What would the office ladies think?  They have water fountains all over the place.  It’s not like she was going to die if thirst in the 3 hours and 40 minutes that she was at school.
I decided that whatever reaction Kamryn had, she was going to have to learn that sometimes we don’t have everything perfect.
When it was time to go pick Kamryn up, I grabbed her water bottle and brought it along.  I saw her class walking out and I approached the gate with a little trepidation.  She took one look at me, smiled a big toothless smile and ran to me.  I told her I was sorry I forgot her water bottle this morning.  She looked up at me like I was insane and said, “That’s alright, Mom.”
Huh?  Forget that I was wrong about her reaction…what’s this “mom” shit?  What about Mommy?  With each tooth she lost, I lost a letter in my title.

Rory As Turtleman

Until about a month ago, I had never head of Turtleman or Live Action.  My brother discovered Turtleman on Call Of The Wildman and insisted that Rory watch it.

Basically, Ernie, AKA, Turtleman is called upon to catch animals that have shown up in people’s houses, businesses or farms.  What makes Ernie different than any other animal or pest control business is that he catches these animals with his bare hands and throws them into a burlap sack to be released elsewhere.  Also, Ernie’s payments range from a cooler full of steaks to a private banjo concert by some well known banjo player…I’m not up on my banjo players so I can’t recall the name of the guy.

Anyway, I showed Rory and Kamryn an episode of Call Of The Wildman and they were both hooked…screaming out “Live Action!” at any and every possible moment.

Yesterday, Rory spotted a spider running across the floor.  After his initial scream, he ran and got a tissue and tried to catch it.  I grabbed my camera and recorded him.  If you turn it up, you can hear Rory saying “Turtleman!” over and over as he’s trying to squish the spider.

 

Glass Case Of Emotion!

I’m here for you, Ron.

Today was an interesting day.  I have never felt so bi-polar in all my life and I only have my children to thank.

This morning I woke up and felt an empty pit in my stomach (I think it’s a gall bladder issue).  It was just before 6:00 and I was secretly hoping Rory would wake up so we could hang out a little and I could gauge his feelings about starting preschool today.

Shortly after 6:00, Rory got up, came into my room (I had yet to actually leave my bed) with his outfit for his first day of school in his hands.  He said, “I’m ready to put my clothes on!”  So much for feeling the need to discuss this whole school thing.

After a breakfast of banana oatmeal, which he only took 3 bites of, I told him to brush his teeth.  He told me he wanted me to do it, but I was making Kamryn’s lunch and told him he was a big boy and he needed to do it.  We had a little back and forth argument about brushing teeth.  *Glancing at the clock*  When does he have to be at school????

By this time, Kamryn had awoken from her slumber and was demanding breakfast and then proceeded to argue with Rory about how many days he was going to be in school.  For the love of all that is holy!  Everyone shut the hell up for a minute and leave each other alone!

We were all ready, walking out the door, and Rory grabbed my hand.  He has done this every single day for as long as we have lived here, but today…oh today it was something different.  Tears were welling up in my eyes as me and my little buddy started down the stairs.

Once we got in the car, Rory was asking when I was going to drop him off.  We have discussed the procedure at great length for the last few days, but Rory continues to insist that he be dropped off first.  To which Kamryn screams in his face, “I HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL FIRST OR I’LL BE LATE!”  Aaaaaaagggggghhhhh!

Rory finally relented and we get Kamryn to school without further incident.  The next obstacle is going back home, grabbing a snack and walking Rory across the street to preschool.  He starts to tell me he wants me to drive, but since I plan on running immediately after he gets dropped off, I don’t want to have to drive back across the street and park the car and drop off my keys and purse before I go.

He was finally in agreement and we headed out the door.  As we were walking, we talked about all the things he might do today.  I would ask him if he thought he was going to sing songs and he would reply with an enthusiastic, “Yep!”  Play outside?  “Yep!”  Once again we held hands and talked about how awesome preschool is and how many pine cones we saw.  The kid is obsessed with pine cones all of a sudden.

I got to the gate to go inside and I said, “We’re here for preschool.”  The woman just smiled and nodded because she could tell I really had to struggle to get that sentence out without letting my voice crack.

We were there about 15 minutes early so I could take some pictures.He was a bit hesitant when he was approached by one of the teachers, but then blurted out that he had on an Olympic shirt and he was Michael Phelps.  Nice.  When it was time to go in his classroom, he slowly let go of my hand and walked in to his carpet spot.  His teacher already was welcoming the kids in with a song about dinosaurs and Rory jumped right in with the actions.  I walked out, nearly on the verge of a breakdown, stopped and walked back to peek in the door just to make sure he wasn’t looking for me.  He turned around right as I looked in and waved good-bye.  I blew him a kiss and immediately turned and started frantically looking for something…anything on my phone so all the other parents wouldn’t see the tears streaming down my face.

Once I got to the parking lot, I wiped my eyes, blew my nose, turned on Pandora and I…was….runn-ning!  My thoughts never left my little boy and once I got home about an hour later, I walked into silence.  Oh wow!  It’s quiet!

I took a shower without anyone barging into the bathroom to discuss what bodily functions they needed to take care of or screaming that someone hit them.  I could shave my legs in a leisurely and thorough fashion instead of some half-assed shave job that left tufts of hair on my knees and ankles.

And then when I got out of the shower, I could get dressed in what I wanted without recommendations from my fashionista daughter or questions about certain parts of my anatomy.  Things were looking up!

I spent the next two hours on the couch, watching HGTV.  My parents are in town so my mom came over to help out at pick up since both kids will be getting out at almost the exact same time for the rest of the month.

I went to pick up Rory and while I waited for him to get dismissed, one of the teachers came up and told me how great he did and that he was the sweetest little boy.  I handed her a picture to put on his cubby and she hugged it…seriously.  I’m not saying she was crazy, but she really likes Rory.  And just for the record, this is the picture that’s going on his cubby.

Yeah, I know.

Once I saw Rory come out of his classroom, I started to tear up again, but it was short lived when I saw how happy and excited he was.  He told me he had cheese at snack time.  Awesome.

And not long after we got home, he was passed out from his big day at school.

Those maze worksheets and follow the line activities really wear a kid out.

He only slept for about an hour and right as he woke up, I got a text from the mom of one of the kids in Kamryn’s class who asked if the kids could come over for an hour to play.  I told them they could, but I didn’t want her to feel like she had to take both of them without me.  She insisted and I conceded.  I’m once again home alone!

 

The Time Is Upon Us

Or me.  The time is upon me.

Rory’s first day of school is tomorrow and so far I have been able to keep my shit together, but God knows what kind of hot mess is going to be stumbling out of the preschool doors after drop off.

I’m purposely going to have my running gear on to make myself go for a run so I am distracted by thoughts of some fellow 3 year old taking advantage of the new kid, who just happens to be comfortably wearing size 18-24 month shorts.  My little man…off to school.

Tonight when I put Rory to bed, I read him The Kissing Hand.  Some family friends gave the book to Kamryn a few years ago and I used to read it to her all the time.  I cannot get through that book without tearing up, though.  So tonight, through blurry vision and a shaky voice, Rory learned about The Kissing Hand.  I kissed his little left hand and he giggled, but then held it to his cheek, just like in the book.  I am 100% screwed tomorrow.

I had to fill out a ton of paperwork before Rory could start school and one of the questions asked me how I would describe my child’s personality.  Heh…like I’m going to be honest.  He is the most loving and friendliest little boy.  He is very compliant, always listens and can read at a 5th grade level.  As Kamryn would say, “Mommy, that’s P.S.”  I should have just given them the pictures below.  Damn!  I just remembered I have to bring a picture of him tomorrow for his cubby.